blah/grr: my horoscope

"You are pushing hard now, but the structures that you’ve created are not going to give in to your desires. You may not get things to go your way. Even so, you’re still inclined to fight for what you believe. Unfortunately, fighting is not a viable option as it will only bring you unhappiness and stress. The good news is that you are connected to a higher purpose now, so you’ll be able to see the beauty that others may be missing."

Over this past week, I saw the movie The Green Mile. Honestly, it was such a good movie. I cried at the end like I've never cried before at a movie. I highly recommend seeing it if you haven't already. I also saw Mona Lisa Smile. It was a quality movie, as well.

So yesterday was Jen's birthday. I was invited out to dinner with her and the fam as her "date". It was really good. Then, she tells me no curfew! We called up her pals Melissa and Krystal and ventured over to Sex World. Woowee. Fun times. It's a really entertaining store. Then, we were off to the casino. I think I lost $4. Big spender, I know. After a cup of free casino coffee, I got a second wind. We left around 2:30 or so, and ventured off to Perkins. Was I hungry? No, but I ate anyways. Why not? Then we drove around for a while and got back to Jen's about 4:15. It was a fun night.

It feels like everyone is falling apart at the seams. I hope that a break from hell (school) and a break from people will give them a breath of fresh air and realize what their missing-- or give them the stregnth (?) to put themselves back together.

My tan is already fading... I want to cry. I think I'm going to go throw things away. Yeah.

Before I leave for CA, I just wanted to wish everyone a very Happy Chanukah, and a Merry Christmas, and a Happy Kwanza (sp)! Enjoy your holidays!

I found out that my phone will work while I'm away, so if anyone of you get bored, feel free to call me... and save me from the 'rents.

In a good mood-
Libby

I'm with Marion

I'm sitting in 2nd hour, passing the time away. I should be doing one thing or anyother, but I'm not. It's a little over 5 hours until winter break finally begins. WooHoo!

Happy Birthday to Brynn! Brynn, my dear: I hope you had a great birthday and got lots of sweatshirts.

I haven't had any time to write latly, but I'm going to take this time to write about Brynn. When I first met her, she was this really shy gal-- cute as a button-- but very shy. Inicialy, i was jealous because Aly and Mac knew her and I didn't really... but sometimes I would still say hi to her when I saw her. Then came SLP theater, and that's where things really started to blossom. As you might have read in Brynn's blog, during "Gentlemen", we had to go try on costumes... and I saw this yellow dress that had a cheeta/leopard print on it. I imidiatly got excited! I soon found out that no one else wanted to where the beauty of a dress, and I got to wear it. And who had made it? None other then good ol' Brynn! She was so proud of it, and I was proud of her-- hell, I don't think I could've made it. But after that, me and her talked more, and the with "Pirates" she was on crew again and I got to hang out with her even more. Now the roles are reversed and she's in the one acts, and I'm on crew... but we still get to hang out and I am so glad that I get to see those heartfelt smiles that Brynn gives out!

Class is almost over... Blah

Bohemian rhapsody

Today I had a venting session and it was nice to say some of these things to someone cuz sometimes I feel like I am very alone. I feel that either everyone else is just too rapped up in their own problems, or they simply don't care about mine. Or I fear that they won't understand or idk they will criticize me. I thought senior year was supposed to be easy.

I just came up with a theory-- and I guess it wouldn't really hold true right now but I'll share it anyhow: what if some of the ppl in our grade are being so evil or weird because they are subconsciously either trying to push people away so it will be easier to leave, or they are trying to get reassurances that their friends really care. Idk... These are just the thoughts that are going through my mind.

I REALLY need to do hw. LATA

Blowing in the wind.

Tonight I feel a mixture of pure happiness, and immense confusion. I hate it when that happens.

Friendships with people these days seem to be blowing in the wind; they come and go randomly. It makes me wonder who they are and where their priorities lay. And for some, an all-of-a-sudden spark makes it seem like I found my long lost friend. I just don't get it.

"The answer[s], my friend, [are] blowing in the wind. The answer[s] [are] blowing in the wind."

I think and hope that a departure from MN will give me some clarity on life and help me... with life...

I would like to take a moment to agree with Tedi about how much I really value Ian McC. Even if I haven't talked to him in a really long time, he still gives me a great big "hello" when I see him. And just yesterday, I was waiting in line behind him (at lunch) when he said hi to this kid who he'd made friends with at the retreat. This kid randomly asked Ian if he could buy him some chips, and Ian was like, yeah, no prob. Idk, I just thought it was a nice gesture that not a lot of people would really do for someone they don't know.

I am working on the crew for the Winter One Acts, and even though it's kinda weird not being apart of the cast, and I don't get to really talk to them at all, I am really enjoying seeing what goes on "behind the scenes", if you will. IDK, I'm just really enjoying myself, and I'm learning some new stuff and I just really think it's cool.

Al- In response to your blog: I know that I have been one to complain about the little things and make my world seem so much worse then it is. I guess in thinking about it, when something bad, no matter the degree of it, happens to you, it seems a hell of a lot worse to you then to someone else. Also, because whatever the drama may be, and it usually takes up about 90 % of your thoughts, the magnitude of the problem seems all that more big (for lack of a better word). Everyone takes for granted what they have, whether it be $$, love, shelter, friends, or underwear. Sometimes we just need a little remind just how lucky we really are. Thanks for reminding us.

Respect Retreat:
It was fun, even though I went in to it with a "schema". I was not really a fan of these freshman. I have listened to the rumors about them, and seen there cattiness, and have overall not gotten a very good impression of them-- for the most part. But today, seeing the weaker side of them proved to me that yes, they are human, and they have things in their life that I have no idea about. Overall, there are still people that I don't like and don't respect what they do, but I overall have a general respect for the class of 2009... I mean 2007.

My first trip to the big city proved to be more then just a trip-- and some of the things still affect me today. Just some background info: Last April, choir went on a trip to NY. It was so cool being there for the 1st time. We saw the Producers,and idk, its was fun. And even though things got shitty later, I got to be friends with Tim, which was an experience-- and we'll leave it at that. I also got to know Mandy, who ended up sleeping in our room. Aly had known her from Lax, but I was fairly unfamiliar with this crazy gal. She was so much fun. Well, lo and behold, we became pretty good friends this year. It meant so much to me that on Halloween day, I have told her that I didn't have any plans. She told me that she would call me and see if I wanted to join her. She looked up my # in the phone book and called. A lot of people said that they would call, but they didn't. She did. Just the act of her calling meant a lot. She even called me back later in the night (after she had gone trick-or-treating) to see if I wanted to hang out. The act of her calling really meant a lot. So basically, I just wanted to talk about my friend, Amanda. She's one cool gal. Oh and Mandy: Thanks? for the present ahead of time. Stealing is not good, though ;-).

On a different note, I was going through some of my old stuff that I have saved and I found this poem written by Garrett L. I thought it was pretty appropriate for a lot of people's current state of mind.

"As the days quickly end,
Soon after they begin.
I try to find the answers,
To the questions from within.
So now I stop to think,
To slow the daily race.
And find that at the speed in running,
I'll never keep the pace.
I think about my life,
And see all my mistakes.
But now is not the time to slow,
There's no time left to take.
And as the days pass,
I'm clinging to the past.
And I realize that inside my youth,
I grew up much too fast.
When what once was distant future,
Turns into what has been.
The days still quickly end,
Soon after they begin."

My present feeling right now is: ????????? (confusion)

All to all-- goodnight

We had our winter choir concert tonight and despite all thoughts of how bad we were going to be, we were actually decent. I'm glad I'm done with some of those songs, though. And tomorrow = free day in choir... People come and visit and make it fun!

Congrats to everyone who's in the One Acts. I think you all will have tons of fun and I'm glad that I'll still get to be with you guys, even if it's from the other end of the theater.

I have a lot of hw to do... blah... will I do it. No, probably not. But I should attempt anyways.

Oh and before I go:
HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO:
ERICA Q on Fri-- Dec 5,
MARIE S on Sat-- Dec 6, and
MAC P on Sun-- Dec 7. Welcome to "adulthood".

I'm tired.

I'm tired of holding on to a part of me that is over. I'm tired of my friends giving me shit for holding on-- you try letting go. I''m tired of drama. I'm tired of not being able to sleep on my stomach. I'm tired of slacking off. I'm tired of missing the play. I'm tired (already) of Jewish American Princesses. I'm tired of everyone fretting little things in their lives. I'm tired of swooning, and everyone else swooning over the opposite sex. I'm tired of being sour when I see couples kissing. I'm tired of being sour when I see couples, period. I'm tired of not being 100% happy for my friends who are happy.

Why do I feel like I'm going to cry? Why do I care what people think? Who really is going to make me happy? Them, or me? Why do things have to change? Can we just go back to -- idk -- 3rd grade? SO much less drama. I'm going to go to my cave for a while. Anyone who needs an escape from the world can join. There's plenty of room.