Today was cloudy... it explains so much...

My first real blog in a long time. I don't know what the fuck is going on or what I'm doing. I feel like I'm in a daze and nothing is clear or really makes sense. I have little to no motivation to do my homework. I don't want to get out of bed to go to classes. While I've met some amazing girls in SDT, and they made me feel so missed this past weekend while I was home, I find myself getting in a bad mood while I'm there. That's not a good sign is it? I know I'm just stressed, and it was cloudy today. But it's just not very reassuring. And not only am I affected by the weather, I'm already really affected by other people. Their moods rub off on me very easily. For example, Steph was having a stressful night tonight and there was nothing I could do to help her. She even leaned on someone else for support. I hate feeling helpless. I hate not being the one to help. And I hate when my friends are unhappy. So there's that. And then to top it off I feel like I'm pissing people off around me. I know that when you're having a shitty day everything else seems to go wrong on those days too.. but in the moment, oy... life just is sucking it up.

Well, since I'm one of those moods, I'm going to be quite honest in this blog. I miss my SLP homies a lot. These are the days when I really wish I could lean on Alison, but she has enough on her plate, and she's as busy or more then me. And I miss how things used to be. I haven't talked to Mac in forever and a day. What happened with that? I almost am to the point where I feel like she wouldn't care what was going on with my life. It's frustrating how things change like that. Carly and I have parted ways more then ever since we've been at school. I guess people really do adapt to their surroundings. Now that we're in different sororities, we seem to be almost competing over nothing. We never go out together anymore. We actually kinda caught up tonight, which was nice.

It's February... Jerod from LA, Paul from NY and Kenny from Detroit will be watching over me this month. Wow is time going quickly.

A piece of advice: Be careful whose advice you buy, but be patient with those who supply it. Advice is a form of nostalgia. Dispensing it is a way of fishing the past from the disposal, wiping it off, painting over the ugly parts and recycling it for more than it's worth.

Alas, I think I should kiss today goodbye and hope tomorrow brings sunny skies and a better ending.

Welcome to paradise