Je ne sais pas...

It's 10:10, and I just lost my English paper that is due tomorrow at 5:30. I'm in a bad mood. And all I want to do is crawl in to my bed and cry myself to sleep. But that will just help me flunk out of college sooner, wont it?

In high school, I was a master at last-minute papers, doing HW the class period before it was due, and all around bullshitting. Yes, in the broad scheme of things I knew that wouldn't fly once I got to college. But here it's hitting me in the face and it stings pretty bad. Tonight I plan on getting absolutely no sleep. I have a 3-6 page paper due on something that I have no idea on what to write. I get no feedback from my moronic teacher. I have a stupid presentation in my pretend math class. I need to make up HW for that class so that I can up my grade because the way things are looking... that might be my only grade that slightly resembles an A in any form. I resent the kids next door that are sitting watch battle of the sexes. I resent the kids who are chillin in their friends rooms. I resent the kids who can manage their time well. And mostly I resent the fact that I still haven't figured out how to do that. Even when I try to get ahead, something comes up and fucks up my agenda. This sucks shit. My bed is looking more appealing every minute. I feel so guilty for being here. I should not be here. My family is paying an outrageous sum of money for me to be here, and what do I do? Fuck it up. Good job, Libby. In some regards, I wish I was socially awkward, and didn't have friends. That way- at least I'd have good grades cuz I would have nothing to do but study. It's times like this when I realize how much I took for granted High School and how much you could get away with. And I shouldn't have been so naive and realized that you really can't bullshit your way through the real world.

Ok- I'm taking a break from the present... This past weekend I ventured to Cleveland, OH with Anna and Jason. It was really nice to be away from Bloomington and be in a house, and eat food not from Greshm dining hall, and see people of all ages, and get a hug from an adult, and sleep in a big bed. And I really enjoyed getting to know Anna and Jason better. Who would've thought that after only 2 months, I would go to a different state with someone to meet their families. It was a good time. Thanks, guys!

I'm off to pick up the pieces of my life.

VOTE TOMORROW!!