ahhhhh. i am so stressed out right now. i feel very alone. i feel like i am letting everyone down. i feel like nothing i do is right. nothing i say is right. i feel like school is kicking my ass. i feel like i am not smart enough for college. i feel like i will not amount to anything. i feel... like nothing at all...

"You may be fighting with the struggle between attachment and separation. On one hand, the idea of having a perfect home and family life sounds wonderful to you-- and you want to do whatever is required to achieve this goal. But at the same time, you won't allow yourself to get too attached to something that has the possibility of failure. Don't sabotage your chance for happiness based upon your past experiences"-- Horoscope for today

Horoscopes are what you make them. Someone else reading the same one will find a totally different meaning out of this. But for me- this one really hit home. The over-analyzed question of “what do I want” is constantly scrutinized and an answer is never reached. I am surrounded by people in relationships; ones that are long distance, and ones that are across the street. I surrounded by hormone raged freshmen who all they are looking for is ass, and I am surrounded by upperclassmen who are in a place in their lives where they could do the serious relationship thing. Where do I fit in? I find myself going back and forth wondering if I am ready to date someone, or if I just want to be able to kiss people when I want to. Here I am, halfway through 1st semester of freshman year, and part of me just don’t feel that I need to be in a relationship. I have my whole life to do that. College is really the only time when you can fool around with people and it generally be ok. I don’t want to be that 40 yr old women who’s sleeping around with people. Ick. Part of me, though, knows that I am just protecting myself from getting hurt. In a past relationship- I was fucked over by it- to be blunt. I’m afraid of that happening again. Not only that, but there is all these boys that peak my interest. I hate the “what-ifs”. I’ve noticed, too, how easily someone can make me happy- like a friend from upstairs calls me nicknames. And he even knows that I’m from SLP. Sometimes it feels like he knows me more then the people I hang out with every day do…

In a way that leads me to my next thought: How much does age effect a relationship? The high school senior dating the freshman is gross. 18-14. Almost going to college- just getting out of junior high. You seem to grow up so much in those 4 years (well most people do). And then there are those people who are in college, still with someone from high school. College is so much different then high school, and there is this gap- one person is still under their parents rules with curfews and whatnot, and the other is independent and is meeting so many new people. I do commend those people who successfully stay together through that… but I’m still not a fan of the college freshmen with the high school sophomore… but maybe that’s just me. I also have a friend who’s a college freshman and dating a 27 yr old. There is such a huge gap in life styles and things to accomplish and woah. What about 18 and 23? One just starting college.. one out. Those 4 years you grow up a lot and are in different places in your life… Idk… maybe I just over think these things and for most people age really doesn’t matter. Maybe I should just stop coming up with excuses and try something out. Maybe it’ll be just what I need… I just don’t want to say one day “what if?”.

What Does Your Daddy Do?

Little David was in his 4th grade class when the teacher asked the children what their fathers did for a living. All the typical answers came up - fireman, policeman, salesman, doctor, lawyer, etc.

David was being uncharacteristically quiet, so the teacher asked him about his father. "My father's an exotic dancer in a gay cabaret and takes off all his clothes in front of other men and they put money in his underwear. Sometimes, if the offer is really good, he will go home with some guy and make love with him for money."

The teacher, obviously shaken by this statement, hurriedly set the other children to work on some exercises and took little David aside to ask him, "Is that really true about your father?"

"No," said David, "He works for the Republican National Committee to reelect George Bush, but I was too embarrassed to say that in front of the other kids."

Life has been gloomy- literally and figuratively. It's been raining here nonstop for the past three or more days, and it's been cold and wet and blech. People around me that I've gotten close with aren't happy, and that in turn makes me unhappy. Couples who have defied the odds (sometimes) have broken up. Rush for sorority starts Sat: 11am -9pm Sat and 11am- 8pm Sun. My birthday is Sunday. I don't want to spend my birthday with a bunch of overly happy sorority girls. I've been questioning why I'm actually rushing; and it's just for the experience. Then I can never say "what-if". I think a big part of the reason I'm even more stressed about this weekend is because Jen is coming to visit. I want to show her a good time. I want to see her. This is so frustrating. The good thing, though, is her visit has been motivating me to be very efficient this week. If only I was this motivated all the time. I would have so much less stress.

On a different note I have found some great friends here. They are what I look forward to during the day, and are my accomplices in my procrastination at night. They are the people who I take care of when they are sick, and who hold me when I need to cry. They are my new family.

My stomach is about to eat itself...

Sometimes
there is something that you really want
and then when you get it
you realize that you don't want it anymore.

In addition to all the other ones out there:

You know you're from MN when...

You measure distance in minutes.
Weather is 80% of your conversation.
Down south to you means Iowa.
You call highways "freeways."
Snow tires came standard on your car.
You have no concept of public transportation.
You know more than 1 person that has hit a deer.
You know what and where "Dinkytown" is.
"Perkins" was a popular hangout option in high school.
You can list all the "Dales."
You get mad at people who think Fargo is in Minnesota.
You're a loyal Target shopper.
You've licked frozen metal.
The only reason you go to Wisconsin is to get fireworks or to fish.
You wear shorts when it's 50 degrees outside in March, but bundle up and complain in August when it goes below 60.
It feels like the Mississippi is everywhere you go.
You carry jumper cables in your car.

"If you want to be somebody, if you want to go somewhere, you better wake up and pay attention. The time is now or never, to make your dreams come true. You gatta wake up and pay attention!"

Live in Bloomington, IN is moving along. Amber, one of the, well, not-so-good RAs was gone this weekend! Friday night was great because I stayed "in" and Shea 2 was a huge party! I don't even mind that I took care of sick people. It was a nice change from the norm. Last night was a really random night. Started off with me and Mark going to get food. While we were leaving, we ran in to a bunch of Jews standing outside doing Havdallah. Then that led to going to this really cute red-head's house, Steve, where there was a bbq for new (jewish) students. Even though it started out kind of awkward, I met, and remet some people who were really nice and it turned out fun. 11 o'clock rolls around and I find myself over in Stephanie's room while almost everyone there is already trashed. We went to a frat to be turned away, and I ended up at Sammy's with Shai and Carl and Devin (she's a girl). I finally saw Risky Buisiness, and an episode of Curb Your Enthusiasm, so I felt very accomplished. Didn't come back till 11am this morning. And then today started my homework early, which I was so proud of myself for. Went to a thrift-store-turned-costume-store-for-october with Carly, Mark, and Anna, and then eventually watched Mean Girls "with girls who really aren't mean at all". Now it's 1am and I'm not sleeping, but I will be soon. And it will be good.

"I see the moon and the moon sees me and the mood sees the somebody (many somebodys) I wanna see." I miss you all!

Comic Rodney Dangerfield dies in L.A. at age 82

By Steve Gorman

LOS ANGELES(Reuters) - Rodney Dangerfield, the goggle-eyed comic famed for his self-deprecating one-liners and signature phrase "I can't get no respect," died Tuesday at age 82, his spokesman said.

Dangerfield, who became a pop culture sensation in middle age with a string of broad film comedies starting with "Caddyshack" in 1980, died at the UCLA Medical Center, where he had undergone heart valve replacement surgery on Aug. 25, spokesman Kevin Sasaki said.

Dangerfield, whose initial forays into show business ended in failure, restarted his career as a comedian in his 40s. He went on to become a national sensation in his own right and helped launch the careers of such comics as Jim Carrey and Jerry Seinfeld.

Dangerfield suffered a stroke following the surgery in August and "developed infectious and abdominal complications from which he did not recover," Sasaki said.

During the past week, the entertainer emerged from a coma he had slipped into sometime after the operation, according to his wife, Joan. "When Rodney emerged, he kissed me, squeezed my hand, and smiled for the doctors," Joan Dangerfield said in a statement.

A native of New York's Long Island, Dangerfield had endured a series of health problems in recent years. Last spring, he underwent brain surgery.

A month later, Dangerfield greeted reporters at the hospital dressed in a sports shirt and Bermuda shorts and declared, "My brain is OK. I feel like a new man." Later, responding to a medical question, he answered, "Ask me about things I'm familiar with, like drugs or prostitution."

TWO STARTS AT SHOWBIZ

Born Jacob Cohen in Babylon, New York, in 1921, Dangerfield began writing jokes as a teenager, struggling as a comic and singing waiter in the "Borscht Belt" resorts of the Catskill Mountains under the name of Jack Roy in the 1940s.

Leaving show business to earn a living as a house painter and aluminum siding salesman, he returned to the comedy circuit about a decade later, this time as Rodney Dangerfield.

He eventually opened a New York nightclub and became a nationally recognized act with comedy albums and numerous TV appearances. Along the way he is credited with helping give a start to an impressive array of once-obscure talents who went on to become stars, among them Carrey, Seinfeld, Roseanne and the late Sam Kinison.

Moving easily from nightclubs to TV to commercials to film, Dangerfield remained popular well past the peak of his career in the 1980s, forever tugging at his tie and drawing laughs with his catch phrase "I can't get no respect."

Dangerfield made his film debut in the 1971 low-budget comedy "The Projectionist," playing the dual supporting roles of a tyrannical cinema manager and a serial villain, The Bat.

But his big-screen breakout came in a string of rowdy comedies in the 1980s -- "Caddyshack," "Easy Money" and "Back to School." His movie appearances generally have mirrored his stand-up comedy persona, with Dangerfield playing boisterous, casually ribald characters with a rapid-fire patter of one-liners.

Later film roles included the coach of a girl's soccer team in "Ladybugs" (1992), an abusive father in Oliver Stone's "Natural Born Killers" (1994), a tabloid TV show reporter in "Meet Wally Sparks" (1997) and a wannabe opera star in "The 4th Tenor" (2002).

Michigan GOP says Michael Moore tried to buy votes with underwear

Tuesday, October 5, 2004

BY DAWSON BELL
FREE PRESS STAFF WRITER

The Michigan Republican Party wants filmmaker Michael Moore prosecuted for giving college students packets of underwear and noodles in return for their promise to vote.

GOP Executive Director Greg McNeilly made the request Tuesday to Ingham County Prosecutor Stuart Dunnings III after last week’s visit to Michigan State University of Moore’s “Slacker Uprising Tour.”

During his appearance at MSU and elsewhere on campuses around the country, Moore has been passing out underwear, food and even promises to clean dorm rooms in exchange for a commitment to vote in the presidential election with the goal of ousting President George W. Bush.

In the complaint filed with Dunnings, McNeilly cites a provision of the Michigan Election Code which prohibits the exchange of valuable consideration for “voting or agreeing to vote, or inducing or attempting to induce another to vote, at an election.”

Dunnings, a Democrat, could not be reached immediately for comment.

GOP spokesman Chris Paolino said the party is not trying to discourage voting by college students, even those attracted to Moore’s brand of politics.

“But this is a serious question of the integrity of the election process,” he said. “It’s no different than offering someone a carton of cigarettes and a ride to the polls on election day. It’s against the law.”

Moore could not be reached for comment.

Onions and Christmas Trees

A family is sitting around the supper table. The son asks his father,"Dad, how many kinds of breasts are there?" The father,surprised, answers, Well,son, there are three kinds of breasts. In her twenties, a woman's breasts are like melons, round and Firm. In her thirties to forties, they are like pears, till nice but Hanging a bit. After fifty, they are like onions." "Onions?" "Yes, see them and they make you cry."

This infuriated the wife and daughter so the daughter said, Mom, how many kind of penises are there?" The mother, surprised, smiles, and looks at her husband and
answers, "Well, dear, a man goes through three phases. In a man's twenties,his
penis is mighty and hard. In his thirties and forties,it is like a birch, flexible but reliable. After his fifties, it is like a Christmas tree." "A Christmas tree?" "Yes, dead from the root up & the balls are there for decoration only!

HOW TO SPEAK ABOUT WOMEN AND BE POLITICALLY CORRECT:

1. She is not a BABE or a CHICK - She is a BREASTED AMERICAN.

2. She is not a SCREAMER or MOANER - She is VOCALLY APPRECIATIVE.

3. She is not EASY - She is HORIZONTALLY ACCESSIBLE.

4. She is not DUMB - She is a DETOUR OFF THE INFORMATION SUPERHIGHWAY.

5. She has not BEEN AROUND - She is a PREVIOUSLY ENJOYED COMPANION.

6. She is not an AIRHEAD - She is REALITY IMPAIRED.

7. She does not get DRUNK or TIPSY - She gets CHEMICALLY INCONVENIENCED.

8. She does not have BREAST IMPLANTS - She is MEDICALLY ENHANCED.

9. She does not NAG YOU - She becomes VERBALLY REPETITIVE.

10.She is not a SLUT - She is SEXUALLY EXTROVERTED.

11.She does not have MAJOR LEAGUE HOOTERS - She is PECTORALLY SUPERIOR.

12. She is not a TWO-BIT WHORE - She is a LOW COST PROVIDER.


HOW TO SPEAK ABOUT MEN AND BE POLITICALLY CORRECT:

1. He does not have a BEER GUT - He has developed a LIQUID GRAIN STORAGE FACILITY.

2. He is not a BAD DANCER - He is OVERLY CAUCASIAN.

3. He does not GET LOST ALL THE TIME - He INVESTIGATES ALTERNATIVE DESTINATIONS.

4. He is not BALDING - He is in FOLLICLE REGRESSION.

5. He is not a CRADLE ROBBER - He prefers GENERATIONALLY DIFFERENTIAL RELATIONSHIPS

6. He does not get FALLING-DOWN! DRUNK -He becomes ACCIDENTALLY HORIZONTAL.

7. He does not act like a TOTAL ASS - He develops a case of RECTAL-CRANIAL INVERSION.

8. He is not a MALE CHAUVINIST PIG - He has SWINE EMPATHY.

9. He is not afraid of COMMITMENT - He is MONOGAMOUSLY CHALLENGED

10. He is not HORNY - He is SEXUALLY FOCUSED.

11. It's not his crack you see hanging out of his pants....It is MALE CLEAVAGE.

You never really get away from your past...

This afternoon, Carly and I watch the Dawson's Creek series finale. Keep in mind, I hadn't seen it for 2 years now... and what did me and Carly do at the end? Bawled, just like the 1st time. I can' explain why this show had such an effect on me. It's just... Dawson's Creek.

This was the first weekend since I've been here that I really didn't feel pretty. I enjoy getting dressed up to go out and use it as an excuse to put make up on and straighten my hair, and overall look better then I do during the week. But tonight- tonight I was surrounded by people and their boyfriends. I was asked why I choose to wear a low cut shirt (and while looking around the other people I was with who were all covered up... I felt like an idiot). And to top it all of, I got the pity "oh you're beautiful, too" remark, which made me want to put a paper bag over my head. I hate being compared to other people. Throughout highschool, I continuously felt like I was being compared to someone and I never measured up. Now I'm feeling it here, on a lesser scale, but it's there none the less. I feel like I'm second string. I'm back-up. I'm not the desired one. I hate it! I'm so frustrated. I keep asking myself what I want... and I don't have an answer. I just know it's not this.

Off to sleep and maybe this will all be a dream tomorrow...

ok, I'm a dork- and furthermore, idk how long this will stay up.. but

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