You never really get away from your past...

This afternoon, Carly and I watch the Dawson's Creek series finale. Keep in mind, I hadn't seen it for 2 years now... and what did me and Carly do at the end? Bawled, just like the 1st time. I can' explain why this show had such an effect on me. It's just... Dawson's Creek.

This was the first weekend since I've been here that I really didn't feel pretty. I enjoy getting dressed up to go out and use it as an excuse to put make up on and straighten my hair, and overall look better then I do during the week. But tonight- tonight I was surrounded by people and their boyfriends. I was asked why I choose to wear a low cut shirt (and while looking around the other people I was with who were all covered up... I felt like an idiot). And to top it all of, I got the pity "oh you're beautiful, too" remark, which made me want to put a paper bag over my head. I hate being compared to other people. Throughout highschool, I continuously felt like I was being compared to someone and I never measured up. Now I'm feeling it here, on a lesser scale, but it's there none the less. I feel like I'm second string. I'm back-up. I'm not the desired one. I hate it! I'm so frustrated. I keep asking myself what I want... and I don't have an answer. I just know it's not this.

Off to sleep and maybe this will all be a dream tomorrow...